Chapers 1 and 2

Chapter  1

“I have no other choice!”

“Of course you do! Everyone gets a second chance!”

“Not me!”

“Especially you!”

“Not this time!” And it was with those three words that I watched my friend plummet to her death. I didn’t have to look down to know it. The emergency personnel were waiting nearby, but it would be their job to pronounce her dead. There was no surviving a jump like that. I heard the footsteps behind me as the police raced up the stairs to the roof and I heard them burst through the door and start mumbling things to each other. I didn’t look up as they ran past me and looked down over the ledge. I was frozen in place. Staring at where my best friend had just been.

“Are you alright?” I didn’t answer. I didn’t shake or nod my head. I just stood there. I felt as they helped me down off the roof of the office building. I could feel the breathing of the people around me. The shape of the hand on my back escorting me down the steps as I continued my descent. But I didn’t FEEL anything. For that moment in time, I was dead. My body, it was fine. My lungs still carried oxygen through my body and my heart still pumped blood through my veins. But, in every other sense, I was dead.

Chapter 2

Even now, standing at her funeral, I still can’t believe she’s gone. Liza. My best friend. My partner in crime. My life. "We are gathered here today in remembrance of a girl’s life that ended before her time." I couldn’t listen to the priests words. He’d say how much she was loved and how great she was and how much we will all miss her. He didn’t know the half of it. He barely knew her. He couldn’t even begin to fathom how great her loss would affect us. Me. Liza was incredible. She showed me how precious life really was. She took me and showed me the wonders of the world if I were to just stop and look. Liza was like the sister I never had. Even though I should’ve been the 'big brother' in our relationship, her being 18 and me being 20, she made me truly begin to appreciate the world around me.

I’ll never forget the first time I met her. She was 16 at the time and it was summer. August 17^th to be exact. I could never forget because it was her birthday. She had a huge party on the beach for all of her friends. I hadn’t been invited but since it was such a nice day I was at the beach anyway with a couple guys from school. We had just come back in from the water when I heard her laugh. It wasn’t anything spectacular but something in it made me turn. That’s when I saw her. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. Not because she was tan and blonde, none of that. She had soft brown eyes and chestnut hair that fell just below her chin. What made her beautiful was the aura that fell around her. She was mature beyond her years and you could feel the charisma pour off of her. SMACK. A Frisbee smacked me hard in the back of my head and I turned to see all my friends snickering behind me. “You’re staring bro.” I turned a beat red as I realized he was right.

“Shit,” I thought to myself as I realized that she probably saw me staring too.

“Awww look he’s blushing! How cute!” I stormed off not wanting to have to listen to their bullshit. I started up a light jog and that’s when I heard her scream. I turned and saw Marcus, one of the guys I was with, standing over Liza. "What’s wrong baby? Don’t you like him too?" I was pissed. How dare he threaten her? Someone so beautiful should not be treated like that. What really got me was that he was torturing her about me, and that was enough to push me over the edge. I couldn’t contain my rage. I charged full speed at Marcus. "See look here he comes now." I was closing in. "Sorry dude doesn’t seem like she’s that into you. Maybe we’ll have to change her mind" I wasn’t 20 feet away when he finally realized that I wasn’t going to stop. "Dude what are yo-" before he could finish his sentence my fist went smashing into his nose sending him flying off her. Broken. Good. By now her friends had cleared out but the guys I was with had formed a circle around us as I waited for Marcus to stand up. Finally he got to his feet “Dude what the fuck was that?!?” I didn’t let him get in another word as my fist made contact with his jaw. This sent Marcus back into the group that had formed around us and he collapsed in a heap on the ground. I couldn’t deal with this anymore. I turned back around and sprinted back down the beach. I wasn’t sure of where I was going but it was somewhere far from there. After about 10 minutes or so I lost my pace and stopped to around look out over the horizon. The sun was setting and I guessed the time was about 6:30.

"You didn’t have to beat him up you know. I can handle myself." I wasn’t surprised to hear the girl’s voice behind me.

"Marcus is an idiot. He had it coming." I should’ve turned to face her but I couldn’t. It wasn’t because I was too proud or arrogant, I was ashamed that I had acted like that in front of her and didn’t want her to see that in my expression.

 “Coming or not, every life is precious.” That one took me by surprise; I turned around.

“Precious? Marcus is a scum bag. A low life. Drugs. Drinking. He’s a mess. Maybe that will help straighten him out."

"Violence never solves anything," she shot back. Ok now this girl was starting to get to me. Who did she think she was talking to? Preaching to a bunch of preschoolers about why hitting is bad?

"Sorry but I tend to disagree."

"And why is that?"

“Because sometimes a little punch is just what you need to get your point across." Satisfied with my answer I turned back to the water hoping shed get the hint and leave.

"You’re lying." Of course she wouldn’t go.

"Excuse me?" I turned to face her because this had to be good.

"You’re lying. I can see it in your eyes. You’re not a violent person. You’re confused. And ashamed. That wasn’t a genuine answer, that was you trying to get me to leave"

Shit. She knew I was upset. But how? Usually my façade is foolproof. How did she know?

“I’m also almost positive that you aren’t really friends with those guys, you just want to fit in and until you admit that to yourself, you’ll never find peace. By the way, my names Liza." And with that she stalked off back to where her party once had been. I stood there, mouth open, staring back, gaping at how she knew me better than anyone and I had just met her.

"Caleb." I said to her back as she continued to walk down the beach

Stolen

Nothing is real

Everything’s becoming so surreal

My reality is falling apart

All because you broke my heart

It was my will to live that you stole

And that was what shattered my soul

Left my body lifeless and dead

All caused by the words that you said

My world, as I know it, is nothing but black

And all I want is my happiness back

But you’ve stolen and killed that too

And that’s why I want to be freed from you

I want to be able to stop my tears

And I want to keep all of my fears

I want to stop crying out my eyes

And I want to stop hearing all of your lies

So please get out of here and leave me be

Because the hate in your eyes is something I don’t want to see

I Love You

Every time I close my eyes it’s your face that I see

A constant reminder of what I wanted, but what will never be

X

I wish that you were standing here so you could understand

How much I truly loved you and how badly I wanted to hold your hand

X

Now there’s nothing left of me but my shattered soul

And it was always your love that kept it perfect and whole

X

But it was you who took me and tore me apart

Ripped out and played with what was left of my heart

X

And although I don’t miss the ache in my chest

Always remember I was the one who swore to love you the best

X

So go and keep acting like I was never there

Continue to keep acting like you don’t care

X

Bu t I think somewhere deep in your heart you know it too

You love me just as much as I love you

Love

Love. What a stupid word

Who knew its whole concept could be so absurd?

How do we know when we feel love?

Or if it’s something we’ll grow tired of?

But does it matter how we really feel?

Because a broken heart will never fully heal

We’ll always be left with some kind of scar

Reminding us of who we are

And how we never thought the hurt would end

And the break in our heart would never mend

So that’s why I’m trying to feel nothing at all

So I don’t have to worry when I’m going to fall

Maybe I’ve had it wrong all these years

Maybe I don’t have to shed all of these tears

Because who really knows what love is all about?

And has anyone taken the time to figure it out?

Barely Begun

I missed him. That, that was real. The ache. The burn. The need for him. His touch. His arms. His fingers intertwined with mine. But everything else. Our future. Our hopes. His love. That, that was all a dream. I thought he and I had something special. Something that could last a lifetime, or longer than it did. I didn’t except to lose it. To lose him. But do we ever? Do we ever picture ourselves losing that one person? Losing that one thing that keeps us sane? Or do we picture ourselves happy? And in love? With bright smiles and happy futures. Not with tears streaming down our faces and being alone where no one understands. You think that they’ll be there when you need them most. To stand by you when no one else will. To be there through thick and thin. Believing that nothing could ever tear you apart. But then. You are. Ripped open. I didn’t expect it. He didn’t expect it. No one did. And I, I still don’t believe it. I still believe he’ll come back. That we’ll be together. That they’ll be a time that thoughts of him won’t bring tears to my eyes. A time where we can be happy and in love. But believe as I may, it will never happen. Like the day pigs will fly, it’s impossible. He’s never coming back. But I can’t bring myself to admit it. I just can’t. I mean, could you? Could you just let go of something you loved so much for so long? Just turn the other cheek? Forget? Erase? Could you? COULD YOU? No you couldn’t. And neither can I. I won’t give up. I won’t give in. Won’t throw in the towel. Won’t let go. I’m gonna hold onto him. Remember him. Love him. Breathe him. I refuse to forget! I refuse to accept the truth! This can’t be the end! There is no end! There has barely been a beginning! We’ve barley begun! It can’t be over! It just can’t. So much time lost. Lost hugs. Lost kisses. Lost words. It’s not fair. It’s just not.